Every Wednesday this past year, my family and I have enjoyed dinner while watching a documentary series on TV3 called Fail Mahkamah. The show airs at 9 pm and each episode tells the story of a high-profile case in the country, featuring various guests.
Recently, I noticed that, for several weeks, the cases aired had the same chain of reaction. It first started with verbal attacks by one party, harshly blaming the other in question until the event escalated physically and eventually stooped to manslaughter. My family and I reacted as classically as any other human watching an on-screen murderous outburst would; by criticising the aggressor for giving in to impulses over a minor offense. Even though the episode later revealed that the accused claimed something came over them, as if they were possessed, and later deeply regretted their actions, we were not convinced of the unfairness.
It’s especially tragic when both parties were no strangers to each other, having been partners or best friends before the bloodshed. Something must have clicked internally to have such close ties be quickly disregarded and permanently broken in a matter of minutes.
Come to think of it, smaller-scale interpersonal relationship issues occur more frequently than we’d like to admit, though they typically don't escalate to homicide. I began to wonder if there were any inner workings or scientific explanations for such intense situations to blow out of proportion. Would handling the issue without provocation have ensured a different outcome? Alternatively, how can we manage ourselves while we’re experiencing this ‘washover’ effect? These were the questions that had been playing on my mind last month, and I hope that writing this article will help people feel less alone in their experiences.
Let’s start with one of the most inherent yet misunderstood parts of ourselves - anger.
We’ve all seen viral videos of road rage, someone at a roadside stall shouting with their fists tight at a hawker, or Twitter threads exposing an aggressive customer at a fast-food chain. I used to think these folks were just hot-headed, but according to an article by Joe Kita, it turns out these bouts of rage could be related to a lesser-known psychological condition called intermittent explosive disorder (IED). Those who suffer from it may not realise they have it or that it can be treated.
While it's commonly accepted that anger can serve as a means of self-protection, the article went on to explain that the disorder involves rather an excessive or disproportionate angry reaction to triggers, as opposed to just being "quick to anger”. For instance, it's not IED if you hit someone who tries to punch you in return. However, if you fight someone because they say they don't like what you're wearing, it might be a sign.
Experts believe this reaction is thought to stem from two processes in the brain. Basically, when a threat is perceived, our defense system activates the amygdala (a part of the primitive brain) to keep us safe, leading to a fight-or-flight response. In individuals with IED, however, an overused or hypersensitive defense mechanism causes the amygdala to respond more quickly and strongly.
Moreover, people who exhibit excessive aggression often have reduced brain serotonin levels, which can be likely caused by genetics, chronic stress, recurring pain, or nutritional deficiencies. Consider serotonin as a braking system; without enough brake fluid, stopping becomes nearly impossible.
In other words, individuals who have IED don't exactly foresee their anger - it happens without a warning. They also don't usually employ anger to scare or control other people. In fact, that would be considered psychopathic or antisocial behaviour, an entirely different spectrum. Instead, these folks merely misinterpreted threats and are unable to regulate their response. It’s not something they enjoy either, having been aware of its impact on their family and friends, they too can find it distressing.
Significantly, the individuals from recent episodes of Fail Mahkamah may or may not have underlying issues such as IED; it remains uncertain. Nonetheless, we must acknowledge the existence of such challenges in our society. Bear in mind that I am not justifying any act of violence, nor am I downplaying the pain and trauma resulting from these cases. Oh God, no. It’s just that in our regular lives, we are often quick to judge and attach negative labels to misbehaviour without considering the psychological aspect — that the person may be experiencing mental anguish and in need of help. This piece aims to broaden our understanding of emotions and advocate a more compassionate outlook, offering support and insight to those who may benefit.
On the other hand, if a situation involves physical harm and is getting out of control, remember that safety must ultimately come first. Don't hesitate to remove yourself or call for help. In less severe situations, it's important to recognise the signs of escalating conflict and address them early. Effective communication and empathy can often defuse tension before it leads to an extreme degree. Therefore, to ensure a productive conversation, refrain from using words and tones that insinuate blame, accusations or provocations at all costs. Try approaching the discussion with curiosity about the other person’s point of view to foster understanding and promote active listening.
Furthermore, if you are someone who tends to react with anger or know someone who does, it's crucial to fully grasp that emotions naturally serve as signposts to what we value. So when anger is present, it’s often trying to protect you from a perceived threat (identifying personal triggers can be helpful here). One important point I'd like to share is the crucial need to stay mindful in heightened situations. People often mistake mindfulness for calmness, but forcing yourself to stay ‘zen’ in a critical moment can actually be counterproductive.
Instead, try noticing the physical sensations that anger brings, recognizing that you’re simply experiencing signs of emotion in the moment, and take some time to pause. There's no rush to react hastily to this surge of feelings. This creates space between your physiological cues and the rational mind to assess whether a trigger is a real threat or not, eventually allowing you to choose a gentle course of action.
All in all, haven't we all experienced some form of painful fights with our loved ones before and later regretted what we said or did? This common experience emphasizes the importance of managing anger thoughtfully and with a touch of humanity to maintain healthy relationships. Change is hard and takes courage. It is easier said than done, but with determination, one can definitely (and mindfully) make better choices. To fellow reformed firecrackers, I see you and am here to cheer you on this path of growth.
By,
Marsya Mahfis,
Journalist,
Charisma Movement 23/24.
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